One month down

I sit here today, 31 May 2009, by myself on our 6th wedding anniversary. Sweetheart please know I Love You more than the day we married and I miss you so much. To some it is not a big deal for anniversaries but considering that we are apart by 7,000 miles and 8 hours time difference it is huge to me. Mike was able to call me this morning. It is unbelievable to hear his ring tone on my phone go off. When I hear that it makes me smile and my heart skip more than one beat.

Last night Kyla and I and some friends of ours went to a concert on post sponsored by the USO. The Lt. Dan Band played and they are amazing. For those of you who have no idea of who he is, he is Gary Sinise and played in Forrest Gump as Lt. Dan. He started his band years ago and they go to various military posts and bases and they go overseas and play for our troops and families. He said this year they are going to Korea, he has been to Iraq four times. It is so nice to see a star care and give so much to our troops and families and not ask for anything in return. There were some feelings hurt last night due to the neglect of people not remembering the troops that are deployed currently but those of us who have our loved ones deployed remembered each of our own in our own way. As I heard his band sing I would reach and hold my dog tags that I have worn since Mike left. Yes there were tears but there was also plenty of smiles too.

One of the friends that we went with has 3 little ones and it was so good to see them dance around and have a good time for the night. One of her boys who is 6 years old is so cute, everyday at 1700 when retreat is played no matter where he is, if he hears it, he stops what he is doing and stands still and salutes until they are done.

One song last night they invited women up on stage to sing with them, well Kyla and my friends daughter was up on stage!! Leave it to Kyla. She had a great time up there. On the way home she was so excited, she said I shook his hand with this hand and touched his other arm with my other hand...

I will admit Friday was the worst day I have had since Mike has been gone. Friday marked one month down.. Every time I seen a formation on post I cried, when I seen the welcome home signs I cried. I don't think some realize the gamut of emotions we go thru. One minute I am fine but then I may hear something, hear a song, a TV show or a soldier walking that walks like Mike does or resembles him and that is pretty much all it takes. Last week Kyla seen some soldiers at her high school who are in 1st Cav. and she was upset they were there and home and Mike isn't. I explained to her they were probably from a different battalion and they just got home or they are on the group that stayed behind to help us families. While she may understand, it still upsets her. I will say that last night after we got home and I checked my computer and seen I had missed a computer call from Mike and listened to his voice mail he left me I broke down pretty bad. Kyla sat next to me, hugging me and handing me Kleenex and assuring me that Mike was thinking of us and missing us as much as we miss him. She has grown up so much in the last month. I tell Mike all the time in e-mails and whenever we get to talk that he would be so proud of her.

Some people don't understand that not all of us get to talk to our loved ones everyday or get to get e-mails from them daily and some things people say are very hurtful but we as loved ones back here know what works best for us and we know communication is not going to be what we all would love for it to be but it can't be helped. Some also do not understand that when they are deployed most of them do not have access to the Internet either due to their locations, the cost, yes we have to pay for it out of our pockets, the weather over there and many other things. We do know when we get a 30 second phone call or the precious voice mail left or an e-mail, we are so grateful!!! I have saved the two voice mails Mike has left me and play them over and over just to hear his voice. Just hearing his voice makes me feel safe and comforted. Yes it is nice to have the access but it does NOT make it any easier on us here at home and really wish people would realize that.

Without dear friends down here it would be so much harder on us. I have two amazing women in my life that have helped me so much and make my life better for knowing them. Their husbands are deployed as well and we lean on one another, cry to one another, laugh with each other and say prayers for each ones husbands and families.

Kyla and I will be leaving this week for a week in Michigan with one of my friends and her children. It will be nice to get away and the kids are looking forward to it. Her parents live up there and we are sort of killing two birds with one stone in this trip. Kyla can't wait to go to the beach up there. We have seen pictures of it and it looks amazing. I would not be going if Mike wasn't alright with us going but he is. That is one of the reasons I love him so much and miss him, he knows we are not back here "living it up" Kyla is going to school, I am working and we are making it thru each day knowing we are one more day closer to him coming home. We have not been give R&R dates yet or length of this deployment but will accept whatever the Army gives us and we will muddle thru.

Please continue to keep Mike and his fellow soldiers in your thoughts and prayers. They need them constantly. I've already sent off 3 care packages to him and started on the next one which will include stamped self addressed envelopes for him to write us. We have sent him everything from snack foods, Captain Crunch cereal to socks. I do not mind one bit having to make trips to get him things we know he needs or might enjoy. If anyone would like his address please let me know and I will get it to you. He would appreciate anything, especially letters and cards just letting him know we are thinking of him and praying for him. There are certain things you can not send over and if you don't know what there are, they include: alcohol, any pork products, "adult" literature, flammable products, and candles are a few of the things you can't send. While some say you can "sneak" them in, please do not. I do not want Mike to get smoked for something he didn't do. Where they are they are watching the packages closely.

I apologize if the post sounds a little down or harsh, but like I said it hasn't been the best week since he left and anyone that knows me knows I am not a mean person but right I am just having a hard time. It will get better. Today has already been made by getting to talk to Mike. He does sound good when we get to talk, tired but good. At least he has gotten used to the time change, me, not so much.. I sit here and look at the time and realize what time it is there and knowing if he is working or not.

As I sit here sometimes I just turn the TV off and listen to music and my heart breaks. I told Mike in one of the packages I sent him that with each package a piece of my heart is in there with each one.

Please like I asked, keep Mike and his fellow soldiers in your thoughts and prayers and please do not assume just because of where he is it is better than other places and please do not take this post as a way for me to bitch and complain, as I stated when I started this blog sometimes it is just easier to put your thoughts and feelings into words without talking. I am so proud of my husband and will stand beside him forever.

If anyone is ever up during the night and can't sleep, give me a call. I'm up, trust me.. Still haven't got used to sleeping alone and trust me Peanut isn't much company....LOL

Memorial Day

As Memorial Day approaches, please, please remember that the Day is for. It is NOT for an extra day off work, BBQ's, swimming pools opening and the un-official start of summer. It is for remembering those who have given the Ultimate Sacrifice for our freedoms and our lives.

Memorial Day has taken a new meaning to me since Mike re-enlisted. I'll be the first to admit I did remember those who have gone before us but it was also a day to get together with family and friends, but now Memorial Day hits so close to home for us. I pray nightly for our troops to remain safe while they are away from their families and friends and I especially have a special place in my heart for a dear woman and her children. She lost her husband this year in Afghanistan. He was in his mid 20's and has left this world far to soon. He left behind a beautiful wife and a precious son. He has also left behind a son who will be born this year.

It is now going on 5 days since I have had contact with Mike and yes it is getting to me but I have a "gut" feeling he is alright and just moving. I pray that I hear from him soon. So please as you go about your personal business in the coming days and get aggravated with those you love, remember those who can not make contact with theirs.

As a way of help me to get thru this, I have two candles lit in our house every night. One for Brian "Bubba" Bunting, this one has been lit since February and one for my husband, the man I love and miss so much it hurts, Mike. Please keep him and his team in your thoughts and prayers, and please remember those who have left us far to soon and those they left behind.

Like I said please remember what Memorial Day is for. If you have the chance please thank a Veteran or visit the cemeteries and say a Thank You.

Almost 3 weeks and counting

Well we are one day shy of 3 weeks and counting. I will be so glad when Mike gets Internet access. It is kind of hard to cram in as much as you want to in a 3 or 4 minute phone call. When he called Sunday, Kyla was finally able to talk to her dad. It was the first time since he left. She was so excited and happy.

When I do get to talk to Mike he sounds good, very tired, but good. For those who sent me letters for his book, thank you very much. He loved it!!! He especially loved the letter from Peanut and Sheba.. Trust me, I go no where without my cell phone now. When I am at home I have the cell phone in one hand and the house phone in the other and that includes in the bathroom too. I have made it thru my first "crisis" without him. My dad was admitted to the hospital last week for chest pains and as it turned out he had 3 heart attacks in a matter of a couple of weeks. He now has 5 stints in. I felt to helpless down here and I wasn't able to get home like I wished I could have. Mike finally was able to call me and that is all I needed was to hear his voice to calm me and comfort me. He just knows what to say or how to say it to make me feel better. Luckily my dad is home now and feeling better.

The other night while sitting up unable to sleep I got an e-mail from Mike which surprised me so much I just sat here and cried while I read it over and over. He was able to send me his address so now we can start sending care packages!! YEAH!! For some reason having that address makes me feel a little better.

I won't lie and put on an act, this is hard as hell... I don't care who says what. Knowing you can't just pick up a phone to hear them, knowing they won't be home at night to comfort you, and mainly knowing how long they will be gone really eats at you little by little. I can say that without very close and good friends and support I don't know how people do it. I have some of the best friends here who have been God send. I honestly don't know what I would do without them.

Kyla has done such an amazing job since Mike left. I tell him when we get to talk he would be so proud of her!! She has been a huge help and has grown in just 3 weeks. She is hoping to get hired here for a summer internship. They are starting a new program down here for teenagers and they will get paid while working. Tonight is her last choir concert for the year. I will be taking my camera to take pictures to send Mike. She hasn't said anything but I know how much it hurts her that her daddy can't be here but she understands.

We are hoping once he gets Internet the communication will be better. I will let you know when he gets it in case anyone wants to e-mail him. I also signed him up on the Adopt-a-Soldier program back home on a radio station. I just want him to feel and know how much we love and miss him but that we are also so proud of him... I know I can't send him everything he wants, such as his chair or the water bed but little things will help, I hope.. The last time we talked he told me he had been taking pictures and will send them to me as soon as he can. I can't wait..

Please keep him and his team in your thoughts and prayers.

A week in the life....

Well we have made it one week. It has been the longest week ever. In case anyone is wondering what the life of a deployed loved one is, I will let you know.

For the past week I have not gone any where without my cell phone in my hand or the house phone in the other hand. We never know when that precious phone call will come in. We also don't know for how long we will get to talk, just FYI, the average has been 4 minutes. It is amazing how much you can cram into that short amount of time.

Another part of our life is learning to go on 2 nights sleep in a week. We have learned what it is like to have such great friends that they are now considered family. We also have to learn to make it thru the evenings and nights alone. While our loved ones are away we also learn to do things we never thought we could. Sometimes I sit out at night and watch the moon rise and realize that where Mike is the moon is setting. I hope that as I look up that Mike is looking up at the same time. Even though I know Mike does not have internet access right now I have sent him an e-mail every night so that when he does get it he will have something to read.

Many do not realize that yes we now have computers and web cams but while they are overseas not all of that works the best, so we also have to get used to dropped phone calls, sand storms wrecking havoc on the internet and that they just don't have the time to call all the time. I am not one to moan, whine and cry when I don't hear from Mike everyday because I realize he is doing his job over there and he will call when he can. With that being said, it does not mean that I sit here at night and now worry about him because I do. I won't lie, the nights here are hell but I also know what he is going thru is far worse than what we are going thru here back home.

A very dear friend of mine took Kyla with her Friday night and took her Mother's Day shopping for me. She got me a new swimsuit and coverup. I told my friend she didn't have to do that and her reply was "I know I didn't have to, I wanted to". I honestly do not know what we would do without our friends here.

It is hard to explain to Kyla when we see homecoming signs why her daddy isn't coming home now with them. People tend to forget that even though she is a teenager, the older kids have problems too and they need support and guidance.

As being apart we also learn that on laundry days how much it hurts when we don't have their laundry to do. We also learn how to have dinner's without them. As we sit down to dinner each night we pray not only for Mike but for all of our soldiers to return home soon and safe. Another dear friend of mine is getting ready to welcome home her soldier and I am so happy for her and her kids.

Please remember us in your prayers and thoughts and all of our service members and please remember that just because our children may be little or big they too are hurting on the inside.