One month down

I sit here today, 31 May 2009, by myself on our 6th wedding anniversary. Sweetheart please know I Love You more than the day we married and I miss you so much. To some it is not a big deal for anniversaries but considering that we are apart by 7,000 miles and 8 hours time difference it is huge to me. Mike was able to call me this morning. It is unbelievable to hear his ring tone on my phone go off. When I hear that it makes me smile and my heart skip more than one beat.

Last night Kyla and I and some friends of ours went to a concert on post sponsored by the USO. The Lt. Dan Band played and they are amazing. For those of you who have no idea of who he is, he is Gary Sinise and played in Forrest Gump as Lt. Dan. He started his band years ago and they go to various military posts and bases and they go overseas and play for our troops and families. He said this year they are going to Korea, he has been to Iraq four times. It is so nice to see a star care and give so much to our troops and families and not ask for anything in return. There were some feelings hurt last night due to the neglect of people not remembering the troops that are deployed currently but those of us who have our loved ones deployed remembered each of our own in our own way. As I heard his band sing I would reach and hold my dog tags that I have worn since Mike left. Yes there were tears but there was also plenty of smiles too.

One of the friends that we went with has 3 little ones and it was so good to see them dance around and have a good time for the night. One of her boys who is 6 years old is so cute, everyday at 1700 when retreat is played no matter where he is, if he hears it, he stops what he is doing and stands still and salutes until they are done.

One song last night they invited women up on stage to sing with them, well Kyla and my friends daughter was up on stage!! Leave it to Kyla. She had a great time up there. On the way home she was so excited, she said I shook his hand with this hand and touched his other arm with my other hand...

I will admit Friday was the worst day I have had since Mike has been gone. Friday marked one month down.. Every time I seen a formation on post I cried, when I seen the welcome home signs I cried. I don't think some realize the gamut of emotions we go thru. One minute I am fine but then I may hear something, hear a song, a TV show or a soldier walking that walks like Mike does or resembles him and that is pretty much all it takes. Last week Kyla seen some soldiers at her high school who are in 1st Cav. and she was upset they were there and home and Mike isn't. I explained to her they were probably from a different battalion and they just got home or they are on the group that stayed behind to help us families. While she may understand, it still upsets her. I will say that last night after we got home and I checked my computer and seen I had missed a computer call from Mike and listened to his voice mail he left me I broke down pretty bad. Kyla sat next to me, hugging me and handing me Kleenex and assuring me that Mike was thinking of us and missing us as much as we miss him. She has grown up so much in the last month. I tell Mike all the time in e-mails and whenever we get to talk that he would be so proud of her.

Some people don't understand that not all of us get to talk to our loved ones everyday or get to get e-mails from them daily and some things people say are very hurtful but we as loved ones back here know what works best for us and we know communication is not going to be what we all would love for it to be but it can't be helped. Some also do not understand that when they are deployed most of them do not have access to the Internet either due to their locations, the cost, yes we have to pay for it out of our pockets, the weather over there and many other things. We do know when we get a 30 second phone call or the precious voice mail left or an e-mail, we are so grateful!!! I have saved the two voice mails Mike has left me and play them over and over just to hear his voice. Just hearing his voice makes me feel safe and comforted. Yes it is nice to have the access but it does NOT make it any easier on us here at home and really wish people would realize that.

Without dear friends down here it would be so much harder on us. I have two amazing women in my life that have helped me so much and make my life better for knowing them. Their husbands are deployed as well and we lean on one another, cry to one another, laugh with each other and say prayers for each ones husbands and families.

Kyla and I will be leaving this week for a week in Michigan with one of my friends and her children. It will be nice to get away and the kids are looking forward to it. Her parents live up there and we are sort of killing two birds with one stone in this trip. Kyla can't wait to go to the beach up there. We have seen pictures of it and it looks amazing. I would not be going if Mike wasn't alright with us going but he is. That is one of the reasons I love him so much and miss him, he knows we are not back here "living it up" Kyla is going to school, I am working and we are making it thru each day knowing we are one more day closer to him coming home. We have not been give R&R dates yet or length of this deployment but will accept whatever the Army gives us and we will muddle thru.

Please continue to keep Mike and his fellow soldiers in your thoughts and prayers. They need them constantly. I've already sent off 3 care packages to him and started on the next one which will include stamped self addressed envelopes for him to write us. We have sent him everything from snack foods, Captain Crunch cereal to socks. I do not mind one bit having to make trips to get him things we know he needs or might enjoy. If anyone would like his address please let me know and I will get it to you. He would appreciate anything, especially letters and cards just letting him know we are thinking of him and praying for him. There are certain things you can not send over and if you don't know what there are, they include: alcohol, any pork products, "adult" literature, flammable products, and candles are a few of the things you can't send. While some say you can "sneak" them in, please do not. I do not want Mike to get smoked for something he didn't do. Where they are they are watching the packages closely.

I apologize if the post sounds a little down or harsh, but like I said it hasn't been the best week since he left and anyone that knows me knows I am not a mean person but right I am just having a hard time. It will get better. Today has already been made by getting to talk to Mike. He does sound good when we get to talk, tired but good. At least he has gotten used to the time change, me, not so much.. I sit here and look at the time and realize what time it is there and knowing if he is working or not.

As I sit here sometimes I just turn the TV off and listen to music and my heart breaks. I told Mike in one of the packages I sent him that with each package a piece of my heart is in there with each one.

Please like I asked, keep Mike and his fellow soldiers in your thoughts and prayers and please do not assume just because of where he is it is better than other places and please do not take this post as a way for me to bitch and complain, as I stated when I started this blog sometimes it is just easier to put your thoughts and feelings into words without talking. I am so proud of my husband and will stand beside him forever.

If anyone is ever up during the night and can't sleep, give me a call. I'm up, trust me.. Still haven't got used to sleeping alone and trust me Peanut isn't much company....LOL